Movie werewolves - ranked on looks alone
Why do movie werewolves always look ridiculous? We've rated ten of the most popular on appearance alone, independent of the quality of the films they appear in. We know – we're so shallow.
It's our controversial opinion that there has never been a truly satisfying werewolf design. But there are certainly less bad ones.
From towering classics American Werewolf and Ginger Snaps to less lauded pop culture fare such as Twilight and Harry Potter, we've taken a good long look at some hairy beasties. Here are our findings...
Twilight (2008-2012) – 0/5
The teen saga's treatment of werewolves is arguably even more heinous than its portrayal of vampires.
The lycanthropes are fluffy doggos you wouldn't be too put out seeing on a lead in the park. Characters transform at will in a matter of seconds – this is lycanthropy as a superpower and we're not buying it.
The Howling (1981) – 1/5
Not that we enjoy being provocative but...
Though The Howling and American Werewolf arguably wrote the rulebook on the modern lycanthrope flick, compared with later efforts this early contender can come across as a bit vanilla.
Those oversized ears can't be anything but comic, and the shiny eyes are unintentionally cute. When Karen eventually transforms on live TV, our reaction is more "aw" than "ahh!".
The Company of Wolves (1984) – 2/5
Our main werewolf pet peeve? Films that have characters transform into literal wolves.
Sure, your average wolf can be quite unfriendly, but there's just something about this kind of werewolf that doesn't work on screen.
The reason why The Company of Wolves isn't lower down the list is the bizarre, gross out skinless werewolf and a number of innovative transformation scenes.
To give the movie its due, thematically it's not as invested in making werewolves threatening as other films in the subgenre. But still, in our books werewolves should be otherwordly and monstrous, not something you'd be lucky to glimpse in a nature reserve.
The Wolfman (2010) – 2/5
Let's start with the positives – this absymal film did have a stab at reimagining the iconic design of the 1941 original.
But there's a reason that few films have featured this kind of lyncanthrope. Werewolves wearing waistcoats are kind of silly. It looks more Beauty and the Beast than hairy killing machine.
Much like the original design, a wolfy nose looks somewhat ludicrous on a mostly human face. The monster is a symptom of the general overuse of CGI in the film and tendency towards action rather than suspense and horror.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) – 2/5
The climax of the most enjoyable Potter instalment transforms kindly Professor Lupin into... whatever this is.
This skinny, anaemic, veiny and oddly hairless beast looks like it could do with a few more trips to the gym before posing a serious threat to anyone. No wonder it almost gets taken down by a scrappy dog wizard.
We like the glowing eyes and the flattened ears though, so not a total disaster.
Van Helsing (2004) – 2/5
Van Helsing is a bonkers film – and its werewolf designs are very much in that spirit. Not only do characters rip their skin off like excitable kids with wrapping paper during the transformation scenes, they also come out looking weirdly hot.
This is exemplified in Hugh Jackwolf, a most definite WILF (werewolf I'd like to fuck). Just look at the six pack, the abs, the luscious locks. Please say it's not just us.
There's the familiar issue of CGI overdose, which very much lessens the impact of these buff lyncanthropes. And also we just shouldn't be attracted to werewolves. That's kind of bestiality. Damn you Hugh Jackman.
An American Werewolf in London (1981) – 3/5
No one ever really talks about this, but the actual werewolf in the John Landis staple is nowhere near as good as the transformation sequence.
The grey fur and button black nose just don't quite gell. While many werewolves look too much like common wolves, the Landis werewolf looks like an alien and hasn't aged all too well.
What this movie does a lot better than its rivals is capture the lyncanthrope's pure elemental rage. Just look at those eyes. That wolf got beef.
Dog Soldiers (2002) – 3/5
Dog Soldiers is a bit of a strange one. On the surface, these werewolves are quite obviously men in latex suits. When it comes to realism, the film's microbudget can be painfully obvious.
Yet monetary restraints forced Neil Marshall and co. to be creative. These towering werewolves with oversized heads and long manes are probably the most strikingly imagined lycanthropes to date.
Though it's hard sometimes to suspend our disbelief with this movie, it's impossible not to love these beautifully designed, but unconvincing beasties.
Howl (2015) – 4/5
Howl's werewolves are pretty out there. Much more human than their contemporaries, they have minimal body hair, tough skin, glowing eyes and triple-jointed legs.
As grungy as the grim train carriages they lay seige to, the film never reveals too much of the creatures, leaving us wanting more and ensuring they remain convincing.
Our one gripe is that part of the movie's mythology is that the wolfy changes are permanent and take place gradually. When the core characters start turning into werewolves, their transformations are underwhelming compared to the more fully realised lyncanthropes we see at the start of the film.
Ginger Snaps (2000) – 4/5
Any regular readers of this blog will know that we've got a lot of love for this film. After Ginger's painfully detailed, drawn-out slow change, the werewolf we get doesn't disappoint.
In a film all about a teenager's repulsion with her own body, the climax features one of the most disgusting werewolves in horror history.
It's slimy and disturbingly hairless, with narrow eyes glowering from behind folds of flesh. This is the werewolf we'd least like to change in to. Poor Ginger.
Though prosthetics often work much better than CGI in werewolf flicks, again it's a stretch to see this monster as entirely realistic. Yet the beast's long-awaited appearance make the film's final 20 minutes surprisingly scary – an unexpected change of pace from what was previously a slow burn chatracter drama.
In other werewolf news, 2018's The Wildling boldly reimagines werewolf lore. It's one of a number of films which feature refreshingly empathetic monsters. We're written an essay on the subject here.
In other werewolf news, 2018's The Wildling boldly reimagines werewolf lore. It's one of a number of films which feature refreshingly empathetic monsters. We're written an essay on the subject here.
Follow @GoreConnoisseur
50% of your ratings are spot on, 50% are ridiculously awful. You listed The Howling werewolf as playing it safe, suggesting they did not try something different. The Howling and An American Werewolf in London literally wrote the book on trying something different, 1981 being when we really moved away from stop motion and lap dissolves. The Howling gave you the upright werewolf with muzzle and triple-jointed legs. The best thing you can do for your credibility is rewrite your Howling rating with only two simple words: "thank you"
ReplyDeleteThis list is beyond wack, how is Van Helsing’s werewolves listed as 2/5 when the creature design is the bets out of all other movies?
ReplyDeleteBit CG heavy for my tastes - I think the more practical effects leaning werewolves ranked higher have a greater impact onscreen and explore more left-field design choices, but very much a matter of opinion!
DeleteCan Helsing has been responsible for creating many furries. Don't worry, finding them got doesn't make you into bestiality but it could make you a furry and nothing wrong with that.
DeleteThis list was put together by a professional rage baiter and/or idiot, with no genuine interest in Werewolf movies. The Howling, American Werewolf and Dog soldiers are all 5/5. No arguments.
ReplyDeleteBad moon is probably my favourite appearance but ginger snap is no way as good as Van Hellsing or Dog Soldier
ReplyDelete